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Church fights are more than just money down the drain.
Here's the article creating all the commotion.

The Narcissist in Intimate relationship: A Case Study, Conclusion

Brysen was now thoroughly convinced that he was so worthless that only Crystal could love him, and that he deserved every punishment she meted out. He could not go anywhere without her knowing where he was going, and she almost always insisted that he go with her when she left the house. He did not dare text or call Barbara for fear of Crystal’s rage if she found out. Then she took away his phone entirely and he was cut off from everyone.

Everyone except the boys, that is. They still came as required every other weekend, and Brysen began to pour out his heart to them. They were shocked to see their Dad in tears, and his story made them both angry and afraid for him. They told Barbara all of it, and pleaded with her to do something to get him out. An idea began to form, but it was an unexpected contact from Brysen’s parents that set it in motion. Brysen had told his mom everything, and they recognized the situation for what it truly was: severe and prolonged emotional abuse brought on by Crystal’s narcissistic mental illness.

The plan came together quickly. The boys would smuggle a cell phone in to Brysen the next weekend, along with a message: leave now! They found a safe place for him, and even knew of some job openings. Everyone was supporting him, but he had to get out at the first opportunity. Unbelievably, the opportunity came the very night the boys arrived. Crystal unexpectedly left without explanation, but for how long they had no idea. They jumped at this surprising gift, carted everything they could carry of Brysen’s to his pickup, and fled into the night.

Brysen quickly moved to another city more than a hundred miles away, and found a great job with excellent pay and benefits. Crystal was uncharacteristically quiet for a time. She allowed Brysen to get his remaining property without protest. It made no sense, so everyone waited for the hammer to fall. Crystal could not let him go without it being her victory.

Crystal started by going through surrogates. A woman texted Dustin, Brysen and Barbara’s oldest son, and asked for Brysen’s phone number so she could call him on behalf of Crystal. No dice. Crystal herself then texted Dustin, saying how heartbroken she was and how this was “just tearing our little family apart. I love you like my own son and I can’t bear the thought of losing you and your brother. Please, please, talk to your daddy for me? I love you so much!” Dustin saw it for what it was: just another manipulation attempt to get what she wanted, and refused to respond. He then blocked her phone.

Crystal then began emailing Brysen directly, declaring her deep and undying love, begging him to come back, and promising to “be a better person, more deserving of your love.” He ignored the emails, then changed his email address.

It’s been about a year now, and Brysen has not gone back to Crystal. But his deep emotional neediness is still real and operational. And his emotional scars from living more than two years with Crystal may never heal completely. It’s’ too early to tell.
Postscript: While this story is not a composite, it does mirror the many stories I have been told by the wives (former and current) of narcissist pastors since Glenn and I began this work. That’s right, the narcissist pastors are little different in their “intimate” relationships.

I will write more about that next time.

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