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Narcissism from a Narcissist: A series, Part 1

We “normal” people find it difficult to accept that somewhere deep inside the narcissist simply does not care if he or she hurts us and has no empathy at all for your difficulties.

You probably have never heard of Sam Vaknin. Mr. Vaknin is a self-acknowledged overt narcissist. He has several interesting videos on Youtube® and is the author Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited. He essentially answers questions about narcissism from the narcissists viewpoint. Another interesting work is a self-published book titled Ask the Narcissist: The Answers to Your Questions by H. G. Tudor.

Both acknowledge severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder and in plain terms explain how the narcissist thinks and operates. The next several installments of Let Us Prey will analyze and paraphrase material from both authors.

The behaviors of the narcissist appear to be illogical, nonsensical, and self-destructive. To us, anyway. It makes perfect sense to them as it keeps people confused and in their power. Your confusion, anger, fear, and attempts to love them are what gives them fuel and energy. They do not care if you love them or hate them as love gives them positive energy and hate gives them negative energy, and both are acceptable fuel. What drives them crazy is your indifference as there is nothing in it for them. They are emotional vampires who feed off the energy that you give them, and the more energy you invest the more they will use it.

You are useful to them only so long as you fit their needs of the moment. As soon as you no longer fit those needs as either antagonist or protagonist, you have lost your value and will be discarded like yesterday’s newspaper. But a warning: after the biggest of blowups they will act as if nothing ever happened. If you are still seen as possibly being useful, the seduction process will start anew with the narcissist declaring his or her love with promises to be better and offering all manner of enticements to you, with the only purpose being to draw you back close enough to once again feed off of you.

It is common to always have people in the seduction process as some will not respond as wanted, and will be discarded. So, when one relationship ends, another has likely already begun. To paraphrase, their need for “fuel” overrides absolutely everything else. If a current partner has been drained to a state of numbness, then another partner is needed and the first partner is thrown away. If the discarded partner starts approaching them while seeking to “repair” the relationship, they will be seduced again only for the fuel the narcissist craves.

Why is this so easy for the narcissist? “We are not hampered or hindered by considerations such as guilt, regret, compassion or remorse.” Not only that, but they “jettison all thoughts and memories of you once you are discarded” except as they have no choice but to interact with you – which they absolutely hate – such as in a divorce parenting plan. And they make terrible co-parents as the kids just get in their way, yet they demand all sorts of outrageous concessions. Outrageous to us, that is. Completely normal to them as it gives them more conflict and thus more negative fuel. “The fact that we chose you and you let us down disgusts us and in order to eradicate that disgust” they quickly move on to someone new, someone not like you, someone who will give them the adoration, respect, and obedience they demand.

Chew on that for a bit. I’ll be back soon.

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